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Entrepreneur Grief
Friend of the firm, Shane Bender, Founder of Bender CFO Services, writes about the emotions many business owners face when battling challenging circumstances.
A Fractional CFO Talks about Entrepreneur Grief
As a business owner, have you lost a major client or an employee or experienced a drought due to not getting many new customers? Maybe you made a significant investment that didn’t work out. What if you have something personally happen, such as the death of a family member or the loss of a friendship or marriage? What do you do?
Last year, I lost my mom quickly to complications of pneumonia. I was starting my vacation in Breckenridge, Colorado, when I learned that my mom was in the emergency room. Eventually, after hearing how bad it was, I left my family and flew back home to Texas. A few days later, she passed away. In the months following, there was grief that led to apathy, lack of motivation, and other emotions. I have my own fractional CFO firm where we help others financially grow and forecast their business to be successful. As an entrepreneur, you don’t have much time to wallow in grief. I remember going to a grief class with my family and feeling emotionally overwhelmed and not necessarily feeling better after that. How do I grow and meet all my business goals with this challenge?
Since owning my business, I have experienced some hires that didn’t work out, lost business, and encountered challenges in obtaining new business. Does this cause grief? While this example may not appear as severe as profound life events like death, it still evokes a sense of grief in any form of loss. I fully support setting business and personal goals and putting together financial models and plans to meet those goals, which is what we do for our clients. What if the original plan doesn’t come to fruition? Do you give up? I have worked with clients that lost so much revenue that it seems overwhelming to recover. We might start second-guessing ourselves and wondering why we are doing what we are doing. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, about 20% of new businesses fail within the first year and about 50% within the fifth year. The failure rate varies by industry, location, and other factors. I believe that businesses fail ultimately for financial reasons, but unprocessed entrepreneurial grief can occur the more years you are in business.
Entrepreneurial grief is the emotional distress entrepreneurs may experience when they face significant losses or failures in their ventures, such as losing a major client, a key employee, a key partnership, or, worse, having to close down a project or business. Entrepreneurial grief can affect not only the mental health and well-being of entrepreneurs but also their motivation, creativity, and resilience.
You may have heard of the five stages of grief, which are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, which Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed initially in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. The model was later adapted to other types of losses or failures, not only death and dying. However, the model is not a linear or fixed sequence of stages but a framework that can vary depending on the individual and the situation. Some people may experience all, some, or none of the stages and may not follow the same order or duration. Therefore, the model should be used as a general guide, not a rigid prescription.
1. Denial:
In this stage, entrepreneurs may refuse to acknowledge or accept the reality of their loss or failure. They may try to minimize or rationalize the negative consequences or blame external factors or other people for their situation. They may also avoid facing their emotions and isolate themselves from others. Haven’t we all done some of this? It is hard to accept that we may be the problem. I find it easier to isolate personally, which is not effective.
What is the solution? I find it helpful to understand the full financial impact and consult possibly with a CFO or even a business advisor to consider worst-case scenarios. Small businesses have many options and solutions, and depending on how bad the issue is, catching something early enough could get you out of it. If you stay in denial too long, the situation may worsen beyond repair.
2. Anger
In this stage, entrepreneurs may feel intense anger, frustration, resentment, or bitterness toward themselves, their team, customers, competitors, or the market. They may also express hostility, aggression, or criticism toward others or act impulsively or recklessly.
You can tell quickly that this would be ineffective in turning your business around and being successful. You could worsen the situation and lose more business, employees, and partnerships. How can you get through this quickly without destroying what you have? I rely on prayer, journaling, and Bible reading to help me in anger. You need a way to process it healthily because it is a natural emotion. It is even possible it isn’t all your fault. I remember with my mom, my family, and I expressed some anger at my mom as there were some things she did that caused the pneumonia that we wish she hadn’t done. I remember being angry at the hospital for lack of communication and issues with care sometimes. It was mainly unfounded, but there was anger regardless.
3. Bargaining
In this stage, entrepreneurs may try to negotiate or bargain with themselves, others, or God to reverse or prevent their loss or failure. They may make promises, compromises, or sacrifices or seek alternative solutions or opportunities, hoping to change the outcome or regain what they have lost.
As an analytical person, I can get stuck in analysis paralysis, running financial models of all types and thinking of every scenario. I have prayed to God many times, “Help me,” which I don’t think is bad. It is part of dealing with the challenge and processing it. I enjoy looking at different scenarios and possibilities, but can we go too far? What if it causes us to abandon our integrity or accept business we shouldn’t? What are we bargaining for? Does it do any good to tell God that if you save me, I will do this or that? Not to get to Christian spiritual but there is nothing we can do that God can’t already do without us.
Is there such a thing as productive bargaining? If we are open to the abundance of possibilities and ask ourselves, “What does this make possible?” then there can be positive solutions. I truly believe that, as a Christian, God desires to help us through this challenge, which will build resilience and perseverance, and we will be better for it.
4. Depression
Entrepreneurs may experience deep sadness, despair, guilt, shame, or regret over their loss or failure in this stage. They may also feel hopeless, helpless, worthless, or powerless, and lose interest or pleasure in their work or life. They may withdraw from others, neglect their self-care, or engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as substance abuse or self-harm.
You can see how this stage could destroy a business if not dealt with quickly enough. We all deal with depression differently. In this case, we are talking about situational depression and not clinical depression. I have found a combination of Scripture reading, prayer, journaling, small groups, exercise, and continually moving forward helpful. There is much to discuss here, but I believe you could feel better one day and then take a step back. Try hard to avoid unhealthy behaviors and substance abuse. I wish this were an easy step, but it can be challenging. I believe there is a way to navigate this healthily without further destroying business or personal relationships. I came across an encouraging verse I had memorized a few years ago that has been helpful.
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind stays on You because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock. Isaiah 26:3-4.
5. Acceptance
In this stage, entrepreneurs may come to terms with their loss or failure and recognize it as an inevitable part of their entrepreneurial journey. They can acknowledge and express their emotions while seeking support and guidance from others. Additionally, they might choose to reframe their loss or failure as a valuable learning opportunity or a catalyst for growth. This mindset allows them to discover new meaning and purpose in their work and life.
Acceptance is the point of grief where real progress is happening. I wish there were a recipe that got us to this point the fastest. Many of us might stifle the emotion and plow through it all. We might compartmentalize, which is something I might do. The problem is that it might later come out in anger, bitterness, regret, or numbness to everything. I know there is a way to deal with all kinds of grief while keeping your business and growing it.
I have seen how losing clients can lead to significant growth, almost like pruning a plant. I have seen challenges in business development lead to learning new ideas and getting better at it. Some of the greatest innovations and process improvements come when our backs are against the wall, and we must figure it out. Entrepreneurs can be flexible and innovative, and the ones who get through these challenges and navigate grief in the most successful ways will move to higher levels in their business.
In conclusion, grief—whether personal or professional—is an inevitability. Let’s not avoid this issue but deal with it head-on in the healthiest way possible. I love working with small business owners and entrepreneurs who develop new ideas and products, producing jobs and excitement for the economy. Entrepreneurs who continue to get back up and fight through the challenges are the backbone of the economy and are an important part of everyone’s lives. I am glad that I can be part of it all as a fractional CFO business advisor.
